Category Archive

You know you hate me for saying it, because you know it’s true. Whenever you see one of those little motorized carts driving around, it’s almost always some insanely large pile of human driving it. In my hometown, there were actually two incredibly large piles of human that loaded themselves on to one of those to “drive” out to the local Indian casino to win whatever pair of new shoes baby may have needed that month. My childhood consisted of random flecks of color and culture in case you were wondering.

But, here in the Loin, I see a surprising number of these carts wheeling around. And unlike seeing a 400lb woman piloting her way down the supermarket aisles with her orbiting children picking out the groceries, there are indeed guys riding these around who don’t have legs or are paralyzed or are in some other way, legitimately handicapped. In this case, I’m totally pro-fatcart because they then go back to being what god intended them to be: motorized wheelchairs.

I’m just really stunned at the speeds these things will get up to. Sure, there’s the version that’s slower than trying to walk between Clay & Pacific via Stockton in the afternoon, but then there’s this version that flies by faster than I can sprint (but please don’t ask to see me sprint as I’m all limbs.) Like that one in the shot above near the Civic Center Library. That cart went blazing past a dude on a bicycle. This all makes me wonder that if they aren’t going to put limiters on these things, then can we all have one? And what would have to do to get one? Pull some mix of George Costanza stunt? And most importantly, would you be able to use the carpool lane on the Bay Bridge, not that that matters anymore…

Have a tender 2010, bitches!

I’ve been so busy trying to hunt a wild turkey (they think like I think) here in Spain that I completely forget to introduce the newest author to TenderBlog: Kevin. He also goes by the handle, hiimkevin. Sounds tough, like in some movie they’d ask the password to get in to a secret mobster hideout and it’d be, hiim-kevin and then they’d get in and be all crazy and stuff with booze and money and girls and Lenny Kravitz and… oh wait, it’s ‘Hi, I’m Kevin’. Okay. That’s cool too.

Through our email correspondence, Kevin let me in on the fact that he’s actually an Andorran Freedom Fighter hiding out in the Loin after being deemed ‘persona non grata’ in Gabon for his controversial work with the failed insurgency. He barely escaped the country with his life. Now he lives in the shadows, only coming out for the Farmer’s Market at Civic Center and periods of civil disobedience. I hope I have all this right. I email a lot of people and get bored really often. Anyways, welcome Kevin and tear this blog a new one!

Again, the invitation is there for those wishing to write. Also for those who wished to write, were invited, and have since left my cheese out in the wind… Send an email to thetenderblog@gmail.com if you want in on this badass road show.

Again, greetings from afar. Apparently the out of control (reportedly) city councilman in Emeryville, Ken Bukowski has been keeping an apartment at 798 Post, which is at the corner of Post and Leavenworth. He’s had it since 1980, which means that he probably pays nearly the same rent at the woman who’s been in my building since 1965 and is probably less than what I spend on groceries each month.

People hang on to apartments in SF for a variety of reasons, but I’m assuming that Ken’s thinking has something to do with the fact that that is a really nice building, is just up the street from Pearl’s (they do make a tasty burger), basically next door to farm:table (they do make a tasty coffee), two blocks up from El Tesoro (they do make a tasty burrito), and of course just a few blocks away from the ever-so-friendly tranny hookers at Sutter & Larkin (not going there.) In short, life is complete for one who lives at 798 Post Street. Oh, but there’s the problem that to qualify for rent control in SF, you have to have the apartment as your primary residence, which if you’re serving as an elected official in Emeryville means it is impossible due to needing to have your primary residence be in that city to serve there.

I’m sure that whatever Citiapartments, Hawthorne-Stone, or other property conglomerate that owns the building now is rubbing its greedy little corporate hands together as it will probably get another $1,000+ a month out of that unit seeing as how, much like a tranny hooker on a Friday night, Ken Bukowski is screwed.